Yes, I am growing old

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it does not matter” Mark Twain

I am just one day away from completing 31 years of existence. Yes, it is my 32^nd birthday on 28^th November 2013. And, I am composing this post sitting in a Go Air Flight from Delhi to Ranchi. I am not sure whether it is appropriate to start with an embarrassing experience I had last week while in Cochin with a female colleague. This incidence has some connection to what I have started with i.e., my age, date of birth etc. Anyways, let me go ahead and narrate it for you.

We always try to avoid discussions related to our age with those who are known to us. I take special care to divert the discussions when such topics come up. However, it did come up last week and when this most unwanted question was thrown at me, I tried to play smart and asked my colleague to do some guess work on my age. ‘You must be around 34-35’. The reply was so quick giving me the shock of my life. For, I have always heard people telling me that I look 2-3 years younger than my original age. And, her reply was the hardest hit ever to my pride! I suddenly bounced back saying, ‘no, I am just 30 only. I am a 1983-model. She seemed to have believed it. I do not know what I have gained by telling her a lie about the year of my birth which is 1982. Recurring thoughts about this incident still embarrasses me. I wanted to confess it to her. But, I dropped that idea later as this would not be a matter of concern for her. I think it was an attempt to convince my inner-self that I just touched my thirties and still somewhere in the beginning of the fourth decade in my life. Back in the hotel, I spent so much time in front of the mirror looking for signs of aging at my face. Yes, I am aging. I should agree.

Those three years from thirty to thirty three were the defining years in the life of Jesus Christ. We also have other great leaders who made their presence felt in the world by this time. I had a feeling that, I still have, the first three years of my thirties would be the defining years in my life as well. In other words, these years would set the ground for my future at the personal and professional fronts. One year has already passed without any substantial achievement.

From now on, at the personal front, I think I need to focus more on making myself available to my dear and near ones when they are most in need of my presence. In my wife’s opinion, I never fail to take care of their needs but nothing is done on time. I take my sweet time to do things for them. Yes. I will ensure that their needs are taken care of on time every time. Mentally and emotionally, I have to be more connected to my wife. There are strained relations within our family circles that require patch-up. Being the father to a one-year-old son, it is all the more important to live a life worth imitating for him.

As a professional, I think I am now with the right organisation and working for a cause which is very close to my heart. What I am currently doing is something that I should be doing at this point of time in my life. My commitment and efforts are acknowledged by the organisation. I should pay more attention to keep up the credibility of my personal brand intact. At the same time, I have to keep my eyes and ears open to the world around with ample opportunities for further growth.

I always wanted to spend time on writing more and improving the visibility of my Blog. This is going to be the only activity in which I will pay more attention during the coming year. I am also hopeful about the prospects of the self-help group I am part of with some other friends. We may take up at least one activity from many ideas we continue to discuss. Hope all these would help my mind to be fully engaged as I feel that it would prevent all the bizarre thoughts as this is the age when people start realising their capability for greater love and look for scope for the same outside their marital relations.

Yes. I am coming to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult.

Happy Birthday to Meeee!!!!!!

The turns that life take

I am vacating my rented house in South Delhi tomorrow after staying here for nearly nine months. The newly hired house in West Delhi is going to be my fifth residence in Delhi in a short span of three years. I had left my parents and siblings at the age of sixteen and stayed in different cities thereafter for my higher studies and profession except for the three years in between with them while pursuing my graduation. Towards the end of my post graduation and the beginning of professional life, I stayed in the house of a Bangalore Metropolitan Transport Corporation bus driver for nearly two years. And, that was my longest stay so far in a rented house. Otherwise, I used to change the roof over my head at least once in a year. The shifting from one place to another was quite easy for me as I used to move around with all my belongings in a suitcase. My motto was ‘less luggage more comfort’ just like the Indian Railways. Because of my frequent movements, I have not yet been able to obtain a passport, which is the most important proof of one’s identity and citizenship, from the Ministry of External Affairs. As per rules, one should have stayed at a particular place for at least one year, that too with some proof, to be able to apply for a passport. Now, I am moving to the new house with the hope that my passport will bear that address.

I hope I will stay there for some time as it is no longer possible for me to move around with my stuff in a suitcase. Though I have not accumulated much, my wife joined me with all her possessions in 10 – 15 bags. She did not want to leave anything behind with her parents. After the wedding, when we got into the train to Delhi, I had a horrible time keeping everything under the seats and other vacant spaces without causing troubles to the fellow passengers. Therefore, I will think twice before deciding another pack up.

I start realizing that slowly I am being confined to my office and home. There will not be any late night parties, no eating-out with friends and no unplanned adventurous trips. This is a transition phase of the life of a free bird to that of a caged bird to an extent. However, I started enjoying the privileges of this new life – there is somebody at home to open the door to you when you are back after office, a cup of hot coffee once you change and freshen up yourself, meals at your table on time, washed and pressed clothes and much more than that the warmth of her love. These days, I impatiently look at the office clock to show 5.30 PM to get out and get lost into our small cage. Earlier, only one third of the day was spent outside office. I am slowly adapting myself to the changes in my life.

As I have mentioned in some of my previous blogs, my reading habits as an adolescent had instilled in me a passion to travel to the great nations and cities that served as perfect backdrops to some of the great works of our great writers of all the times such as the Russia of Dostoevsky and Chekov, China of Pearl S Buck (The Good Earth), Colombia of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Bengal (Kolkata) of Tagore, etc. During those days, I dreamt of running away from my home to see these places in real. I believed that I would become a writer one day and known all over the world. I was eager to go out and experience life with all its uncertainties, harshness, troubles and tribulations. I hoped that such experiences would mould me into a different being and provide me with the stories to tell the world. However, as you grow up, the way you look at life changes. You start realizing the expectations of your parents and siblings about you start focusing more on meeting, and if possible, exceeding their expectations. While doing so, you pretend to be deaf and ignorant to your inner callings.

Recently, I had a chance to watch a movie adaptation of the play ‘The Glass Menagerie’ by Tennessee Williams. I could easily identify myself with Tom Wingfield, the leading character in it who wants to set out to pursue his passion of becoming a poet but forced to continue his job in a shoe factory due to the commitments to his mother and a sister who is crippled. I think there is a Tom lying dormant within each one of us with dreams yet to be fulfilled, passions yet to be followed, potentials yet to be actualized and a life yet to be lived.

I Should Not Be Worrying Like This

I should not be worrying like this.......

Today, as I was walking into the bank,

Of course, to pay the monthly interest,

A teenager crossed over with a quote on his T-shirt,

‘Life is nothing without problems’.

I should not be worrying like this.......

There is a roof over my head

Three meals a day on my table

A most understanding partner in life

Moral support of my parents and siblings

And soon, the joy of the innocent smile of a baby

I should not be worrying like this.......

I have an office to attend

A cohesive team to work with

That too, for a noble cause

A descent sum as remuneration

And, opportunities in abundance to grow

I should not be worrying like this.......

I have caring friends around me

Occasional pings from those who are far away

Beautiful books in my shelf to read

A small creeper in my balcony to water

And, a sound mind to face life as it comes

I should not be worrying like this.......

I should not be worrying like this.......

Being Alone in the Crowd

“All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone”

Blaise Pascal

Last week I had a chance to visit the famous Lotus Temple of the Baha’is in Delhi (The Baha’i Faith is the youngest of the world's independent religions - www.bahai.org). I availed a leave from the busy schedule in office to join my uncle who had come from Kerala and halted in Delhi for a day before proceeding to Rajasthan on a new mission. I just thought of spending the day with him. As the departure of his train was at night, we had the entire day with us. Therefore, after breakfast, we went out to Nehru Place to see the Lotus Temple and spend sometime in the premises. Though I have been staying very close to this place, I have never had the time to visit this place before.

As we were waiting there in the queue to enter inside, the volunteers welcomed us and briefed about the Baha’i faith and the specialties of the temple. It is envisaged to be a house of prayer and meditation for all regardless of cast, colour, creed or religion. With us, we found people from all walks of life – elderly people, young couples, students and school children. There was total silence inside the house, where I could not find any idols of deities or religious symbols other than an icon in the centre of the dome. The house is having seating facilities for nearly 1500 people.

The house was almost full when we entered and found our seats in a corner. Some of the visitors were trying to enjoy the artistic beauty of the structure, some others kept looking what others were doing and a few people seemed to be enjoying the tranquility and serenity inside the house. The absence of deities must have helped them to visualise the god of their choice in their mind. They also seemed to be enjoying the silence that prevailed in the great hall. I felt that the urge in man to be alone with his self is increasing. Spirituality of all ages inspires man to listen to himself for solutions to all his problems. For, we do not find anyone who can spare at least ten minutes with us to listen to our problems and offer a lasting solution. We hardly find ears that pay heed to our words. In fact, it has become one among the most common problems faced by mankind. Even within marital relations any kind of sharing hardly happens. We are, therefore, advised and trained to retreat from work and spend some time alone once in a while. I have always found this exercise very useful. Whenever I feel that I am in a dilemma I spend some time somewhere in loneliness to listen to the inner voice that gives proper directions to make the right decisions and get out of the trouble.

We are living in a noisy society where everyone keeps on talking endlessly about their achievements, hopes, despairs, dreams, etc through every possible means. Everyone wants to be heard, consoled and sympathized with. People feel that they can be happy only when they are in the company of others. They cannot tolerate loneliness. They look for solutions in people. But, be sure that people can never be what you expect them to be. You need to be happy with yourself as well as you are in the company of others. Be alone and silent for a moment to look inside where answers to all your queries can be found and where you experience the ultimate tranquility and serenity.

I will come back to this temple to enjoy the silence and to have more insights.

“All that is beautiful has always happened in aloneness; nothing has happened in a crowd. Nothing of the beyond has happened except when one is in absolute solitude”

Osho

Your words do not always fall into deaf ears

It was yet another day in office. The alarm in my mobile started ringing as I was looking into the matters of priority for the day. It was a reminder about the birthday of Mr. Jonas Richard who had taught me human resource management at my post graduate college in Bangalore. I thought of wishing him and looked for his contact number in my phone book. But, I could not find the number as it was stored in my old Motorola phone. I had used the phone for nearly four years before getting it pick pocketed by some clever chap while travelling in a blue line bus in Delhi. Anyways, I dropped the plan to call him up. Instead, I sent him an email with birthday wishes.
In the afternoon, I found a reply to my mail in the inbox. He wrote, ‘You are one among the few students whom I really admired. Continue to be in touch’. I was elated as none of my teachers ever had such a comment about me in my academic life. I grew eager to know what actually prompted my teacher to consider me as one among the selected few. Fortunately, his contact number was there at the bottom of the message.
I dialed the number and he picked up the call at the other end. He said, ‘it is really a surprise that I told my students about you this morning and when I reached home your message was awaiting me’. I sensed the amount of curiosity mounting in me. I asked, ‘what have you told them about me, sir?’ ‘I told them we remember certain people not by face but by their words’, he said. He continued, ‘do you remember the story you narrated on the occasion of my birthday during your first year in college?’Those days, we used to celebrate the birthday of all our faculty members. It was always the responsibility of the class representative to organize the function and speak a few words on behalf of the classmates. I said, ‘sir, I remember celebrating your birthday but I cannot recollect the story that I had narrated.’
To remind me and take me back to those days, he started telling the story. It was about a revolutionary, who had the dream of influencing the whole mankind, bringing changes into their lives and, thereby, transforming the entire world. He had this dream when he was a vibrant and energetic youth. Years passed. As he progressed to his middle age, with pain and despair he realized that he could neither influence anyone nor bring changes to somebody’s life and that half of his life was wasted. He decided to compromise with himself. He thought, “I do not know the number of days left in my life. But, during the rest of my life, I will strive hard to influence those in my close circle and bring changes in their lives”. He continued his efforts with added vigour. At last, he grew old and his days were numbered. He was taking stock of his life and got saddened by the realization that he had not been able to influence and transform anyone and that his entire life was wasted. At this stage, he had the ultimate realization that before setting out to influence and transform the whole world he should have attempted to bring the desired changes into his own life i.e. the process of transforming the society and thereby the whole world should start at the individual level.
I was reminded of the whole story when he started narrating but I listened to him till the end. I had read this story in the Sunday Supplement of a leading Malayalam daily years ago. I had kept that paper cutting in my diary for a long time and shared it with others whenever I had chances to speak.
I am sharing this incident with two objectives; firstly, to reiterate the message of the story which we have already heard from many sources and keeps on hearing but finding it difficult to put into practice; secondly, to share the limitless joy that you experience when somebody attaches value to your words.

you deserve to be treated

Have you ever felt that your struggles and sacrifices are not recognized by your organization as well as your family or they fail to appreciate and duly reward your efforts?
A word of appreciation, acknowledgement or gratitude is always the minimum expectation of every human being.
In the organization, after the successful completion of each assignment, you find yourself waiting in hope for a few words of encouragement from your boss but he looks at you with apathy and slowly walks away.
Back home, you find your dear ones awaiting your pay packet with their ever increasing needs and demands. You wonder finding them not much bothered about your hard toil to earn each penny and the little pleasures you opted not to satisfy keeping them in mind.
I grew up often hearing the complaint of my mother about her sufferings from the unending household chores which often went unnoticed by anyone in the family. I feel it is a universal problem that no one is acknowledged in commensurate with their efforts while everyone yearns for it.
Last month, during my annual holidays, I prepared a concept paper for one of the projects, which my organization was planning to undertake shortly, and forwarded it to my senior officer who was also holidaying. It was an immediate requirement as he was very much interested in that project. He was also doing some consultation with regard to it.
I started waiting for a call from him acknowledging and congratulating my work but it was in vain. I felt a bit frustrated. Later, when both of us were back to office, I came to know that he himself and the entire family was totally broken after his daughter performed very poorly in an important examination which would have given her bright future. He had arranged everything to make sure that she pursued the course of her interest in a reputed institute. So, ultimately one or the other circumstances hinder what is our due. Now the conclusion is that there is none other than you to recognize and encourage the performer or achiever in you.
Nowadays, after the successful completion of each assignment, I learned to tell myself, ‘well done’. It gives me the boost to forge ahead even in the so called apathy of the superiors.
Everyday, before leaving for the office, just look into the mirror and wish yourself a good day. It makes a substantial impact throughout the day.
And, occasionally take you out for a good dinner without anyone’s company. Get your favorite dishes and have it in a typical restaurant ambience. It is a treat you are giving to the person in you.
If you like to travel, arrange short trips to nearby locations. Let it be centers of spiritual importance, wild life sanctuaries or centers of eco-tourism. The time you spend in solitude and meditation will refresh and rejuvenate you to get back to your tasks with a renewed spirit.
Acknowledge, appreciate and encourage yourself in all the possible means otherwise you may wait endlessly for it to happen from those around you. You need the motivation and energy to further your horizons. Treat yourself in the best possible way, for, you deserve to be treated.
08-06-09

Good Friday at Chamundi Hills

This year’s Good Friday will be cherished for a long time since I could observe it in a very special way at Chamundi Hills, Mysore. I never imagined making a visit to the place on this day of great significance.
I was quite sure that the four days off from work starting with Maundy Thursday would help me to refresh and rejuvenate a while from the hectic schedule. I headed to Mysore on Thursday by the local train. The destination was, of course, the habitat, where my friend Vipin hibernates after resigning his job in Kolkata. At his apartment, I was quite sure of being fed four or five times a day. So, my only passion was to sleep, sleep and sleep. All his attempts to take me out during the day were in vain. In the afternoon, I found sometime to have a glance into the life of Julian-The monk who sold his Ferrari. What striked me in those first chapters was the philosophy that everything in life happens with a purpose.
On Friday morning, I woke up to the thought of making a ‘Way of the Cross’ as reparation for my sins, if I have committed any during the last year. My mother always insisted on her children to make it on this day. The thousand steps to Chamundi Hills suddenly flashed in my mind. Why can’t I make it a way of the Cross? After all, this place is known for the victory of justice over injustice and goodness over vice. In the life of Christ too the way of the cross leads to the triumph of truth and justice. My companion was more than happy to accompany me when the thought was shared with him.
In the afternoon, I found myself in a bigger group with Vini, my pal’s elder sister and a law graduate. Then, Vimcy, a Keralite and Teju, hailing from Manipur, also dropped in. These two are students of a leading law college in the town. They too were out for a walk as they were busy with various assignments in the morning.
I found Teju as the most enthusiastic and energetic member of our team. She climbed each step like a disciplined NCC cadet. Vimcy, being very much bothered about her ailing stomach, was always asking for a helping hand from Teju, which the latter offered willfully. Vini’s thoughts were, of course, centered around the new job she got on the same day in human resources management. Teju, in the meantime, shared with me the desirability of being a multi skilled employee during this time of slump. Her focus is now on doing the company secretary programme, which she thinks would give some extra boost to her prospects in the job market.
Reaching the top of the hill, we spent some time in the temple premises tasting tender coconuts to ease the little thirst and pains those thousand steps had given us. At twilight, the city, from the top, looked awesome with lights burning everywhere likes embers.
I found some Muslim women also there wearing burkhas. This place is one of tourist attraction in the city. Who knows if they were there with similar intentions like me? Anyway, in the presence of the Divine, there is no caste, colour, creed or religion. Everyone is like the sheep under the Great Shepherd.
I really felt grateful to my friends. We are one and together in the search of the ultimate good. We all cherish a collective dream for a better tomorrow. It would give us great satisfaction to know that our presence and efforts in this beautiful planet have contributed to make it a better place to dwell in.
We will flock to anywhere the moment we feel that it would give us a glimpse to the ultimate reality. We love these temples, churches, mosques, idols, monuments, traditions and rituals. And, our endeavour is always to find the divinity attached to them.
Do not come to us, you, forces of evil and malice. Do not ask our creed or breed. Our preference is not to be polarised and segregated. Let us continue to live as one body with one spirit and as we forge ahead thousands may be touched and transformed. And, we may grow to a world of all encompassing love that is beyond all the boundaries and limits set by our predecessors.